MUMBO-JUMBO?

As luck would have it, I share my home with an elephant. 

Fear not. I am not casting aspersions on my trim-figured wife. I value my life too much. No, I refer to a wood-carved figure of my favourite mammal which is to be found high up on a window sill at the top of my stairs. 

It points towards the front door below and most importantly, its trunk curls upwards at the end. Here's the point.

Elephants are often associated with good or bad luck and are also regarded as a symbol of strength, wisdom and prudence. The elephant is a sacred animal in Buddhism because it was said to have offered flowers to Buddha. According to Buddhist beliefs, elephants should be placed high on a shelf.

People believe that an elephant can bring bad luck if its trunk is pointing downwards towards the ground but if the elephant's trunk is facing down, with a little upturn at the end, as my elephant has, this should bring good luck.

The elephant's luck-bringing properties are now even better known because of the increasing interest in the Oriental practice of Feng Shui. This philosophy attempts to improve balance and harmony in man-made environments, especially with the positioning of furniture or objects in the home. According to Feng Shui beliefs, the trunk of an elephant should point toward the front door or to any door to the outside. It is believed that this can draw in money and prosperity. 

I shall order my Ferrari right away. 

DEAR DEER

I think my stance on hunting was set when I was a child and my family went to visit an aged aunt near London. It probably took me a while to spot the offending item but once seen, never, ever forgotten. It was a small footstool. I mean that literally. It was a stool made out of a foot - the foot of an elephant.

No doubt this also explains why elephants are my favourite animals on Earth. Deep in a scrap album, I have a faded old picture cut from a newspaper which shows a family group of elephants who are busy taking food to a very old elephant who is blind and cannot forage for itself. These animals are far too precious for their feet to be used as bits of furniture.

Don't get me wrong. I have no problem with hunting for the purpose of obtaining food. My problem is with killing animals for the sake of it.

Trawling for fish is fine but I've never understood the pleasure in angling in order to prove that you are cleverer than a fish with a brain the size of a pea.

It will be no surprise then to hear of my disgust that a huge stag, purported to be the largest wild animal in Britain, has been shot so that the hunter can display its antlers. The hunter apparently paid thousands of pounds for the privilege and whilst there is nothing illegal about it, locals are furious because the stag known as 'Emperor', was a big tourist attraction to the area.

In this age of computer shoot-em-up games, it is sad that some people still feel the urge to 'kill for a thrill'.

Sorry, I'm going to have to stop there. A pesky fly keeps bothering me. Now where did I put my fly swat?