Sunday, 24 April 2011

HOW TO HAVE A HAPPY EASTER

This Easter (2011) looks set to be a very strange one. Those crowds of people who have set off for the coast with their expectations and hemlines raised will have something to contend with which is very rare for the Easter holiday - warm sunshine.

Indeed today is Good Friday and as I write this I am having to try to avoid letting sweat drip onto the keyboard. Oh sorry. Were you eating?

Good Friday is so called because it really means God's Friday and it has some rather strange superstitions attached to it. I will relate these to you in the form of a few Dos and Don'ts.

1. Do give birth if at all possible. Your child will have the gift of healing and this should see you right in your old age.
2. Do bake cakes and make bread. They won't go mouldy.
3. Do lay eggs (if you are a chicken that is), for they will never go bad.
4. Do keep a hot cross bun in your house until it goes hard. This will protect your house from fire and save on the cost of smoke alarms.
5. Do have your hair cut. Apparently, this will prevent you from having toothache for the rest of the year. Of course finding a barbershop open on Good Friday could be an issue.

1. Don't plant crops. Under no circumstances should iron be put in the ground or there will be dire consequences.
2. Don't do laundry or not only will you wash away your family but the clothes which you hang out to dry will be spotted with blood.
3. Don't set off in a fishing boat - you will have bad luck unless you have a stale hot cross bun with you in which case you will at least be protected from shipwreck.
4. Don't wear an entire outfit of old clothes because if you wear nothing new, dogs will spit on you and birds will peck your eyes out.
5. Don't say I didn't warn you.

2 comments:

  1. Oh dear, I think I may be doomed! lol

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  2. Tony is there anyone I should talk to concerning us not being invited to the wedding? Oh you will be glad to know I'm not Plutophobic

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