GLAD TO BE OF HELP

I was never in the scouts. My general ineptitude is a witness to this fact. 

However, I was in the sea scouts which is some sort of watery version, but only for one day. I quickly discovered that sea scouting had nothing to interest me but for some reason, my parents were upset with me for making this decision. Something to do with the cost of the uniform I think.

Of course I was unable to join the brownies even if I'd wanted to on grounds of sex and yet I am occasionally awarded brownie points for my hidden talents. 

The most recent example of this occurred the other day when to my wife's absolute joy, I saved her from countless hours of tedious ironing. This is not the first time my skills at ironing have been called upon.

On this occasion, my wife's energy levels were flagging and she asked me if I would mind finishing the chore off by ironing my handkerchiefs. Delighted to be of help I pointed out that there was no need to iron them since the moment I remove one from the drawer it is immediately sneezed upon and placed in a damp, crumpled state in my pocket. They merely need to be dried and may be left in their creased state for future use.

The discovery that she would never have to iron them again has filled her with joy. My only concern is that she might stop to consider the many years during which she has needlessly undertaken this task and see this as a failure to communicate on my part.

 

MULTI-TASKING

The other day, my wife was messing about with the iron while I was very busy in the next room with my newspaper keeping abreast of what was happening in the world, forming opinions about national issues and doing puzzles and crosswords to keep my brain in tip top condition. 

After a while, I heard her switch off the iron, pack up the ironing board and start putting the clothes away. This activity on her part didn't affect me so I was able to continue with my studies without any loss of concentration.

However, a short while later, I heard her swearing and presumed that she had made some sort of mistake - something which she is very prone to do. Once again I was careful not to let this interrupt my train of thought so all was well.

All was well that is until she came in and actually interrupted me to explain her circumstances. I showed no displeasure at this and prepared myself to feign an interest in whatever troubled her.

It seemed that there was one item of clothing which she had forgotten to iron and having packed everything away, she couldn't be bothered to get it all out again. 

Seeing the look of puzzlement on my face, since I could not for the life of me fathom why this situation could possibly have any bearing on me, she proceeded to explain her idea.

She folded the offending garment and asked me to raise my buttocks off the chair whilst she lay them down underneath. She then said I could sit down again and allow the heat from my posterior to iron the creases out of the clothing.

Happy to help, I did as she requested and continued my perusal of the newspaper. Yet again proving my ability to multi-task.  

I must say, there is nothing to this ironing lark.