IN PRAISE OF PIGS

Firstly, here are a few things you might not have known about pigs ...

1. Pigs snuggle up and often sleep nose to nose. They dream too.

2. Newborn piglets learn to run to their mothers' voices and to recognize their own names. Mother pigs sing to their young while nursing.

3. Pigs are known to be cleverer than dogs which is why they are intelligent characters in literature such as 'Animal Farm' or 'Charlotte's Web'.

4.  Contrary to popular opinion, pigs prefer to eat slowly and savour their food.

5. Pigs are clean animals. If given enough room, they will be careful not to soil the area where they sleep or eat.

This being so, how can we humans justify the practice of army snipers shooting live pigs (with targets drawn over their internal organs) so that surgeons can then practice operating on them? This is barbaric in the extreme.

LIVING IN A PIG STY

Let's assume that you are a greedy, inhuman soul and let's also imagine that you are a landlord - but I repeat myself. I also jest.

Many landlords are very pleasant and accommodating people (sic). My question is, if you were such a kindly landlord, would you allow your tenant to keep a pet?

I suppose that this might well depend on whether you were an animal lover. My good friend Charles is. He told the lady who was to rent his property that he had no problem with her keeping a small dog named Beatrice who was the joy of her life. The problem arose after she had vacated the premises. A couple of weeks later, Charles discovered that the gravel patio in the back garden was not a patio at all. It was Beatrice's toilet being full of dog mess. As you can imagine, it cost him a lot of money to replace the gravel. So much for being charitable.

However it seems that Charles got off lightly. Recently Derbyshire council finally gained access to one of their council houses only to find that the pig had flown. The tenant, who has disappeared with his animal, had allowed a fourteen stone Gloucester Old Spot pig to have the free run of the ground floor in the house. This has caused £15,000 worth of damage.

When they do catch up with the pig they will presumably give him to a new owner. Might I suggest a good butcher?