SAVE ME FROM THE ROBINS!

To be honest, I don't tend to see too many robins at Christmas nowadays. I am not talking about our feathered friends you understand. I am talking about 'round-robins'. Those letters copied to many which are disguised as newsletters but which usually are filled with the sender's boasts about their children's successes or worse still, their own.

The reason I get so few round robin letters sent to me is probably because my friends and relatives have cottoned on to the fact that they appeal to me in the same way as skewering my eyeballs in a kebab would. Actually that's not quite true. I can enjoy them as a source of rib-tickling mirth but this is not the way they were intended to be received!

Simon Hoggart clearly shares my view since he has produced several compilations of these letters. I seem to remember one example which went something like - 'Hermione has started her Spanish 'A' level course now and so to help her along, we have employed a Filipino maid.' I would stress that these are actual letters which were sent to friends and family! In addition to the usual bragging, their is often a counter-balance in the content as this extract from the advertising blurb explains:

"Where once the hot news about Tamsin's A levels would be sent in a short note, now it's not unusual to get a letter that includes several pages of misery - emergency operations, dead relatives, sackings, rainy holidays and so forth - decorated with jolly snowmen and smiling Santas".

Now I have a confession to make. Last Christmas, I too sent out a round robin. It was however, in the form of a pre-printed template on which I had deleted as necessary and filled in the blanks. Do feel free to use it yourself putting in you own details! This is a copy:


Dearest.............................


We do hope you have a Happy Christmas.

We were so sorry / pleased to hear about .....................................

The children continue to do well. Our daughter is on course for her Headship having been promoted yet again. As you know, our son is 'something in the City'. He's not able to tell us much about his work but we do know that he is very highly regarded because he let slip that he has been allocated his own cycle space.

How are your children................................................doing? Is ............. in 'big school' yet?

In these tough financial times, we have had to make a few concessions this year so we confined our holidays to Europe. We've also had to tighten our belts at home. I have cancelled some of my personal trainer sessions and my wife has taken Selfridges off her speed dial. Let's hope the British spirit sees us all through!

Please find attached our annual family newsletter. There is so much to report that we have sent it early this year,

All / Some of our love, etc.