THREE LITTLE WORDS

Having recently returned from a short holiday in Spain, I wanted to share with you the three little words which made my stay such a delight.

I arrived there carrying both my luggage and a heavy sleep deficit, so I was thrilled to discover that when I started to flag in the afternoon, I could have a SIESTA. What a wonderful concept. When the shopkeepers were feeling a bit tired after a morning's trading they just closed the shop for lunch and a siesta. Somehow though, I can't see it working here. I have this image of turning up at Marks and Spencer around 2.30p.m. to find the doors locked and peering in through the window, I see the staff all laid out on camp beds having a snooze.

Of course, it's not always possible to sleep when you're tired. I soon discovered that after my wife had led me around like a poodle on a leash as she did her best to solve the Spanish economy problems by visiting what seemed like every fashion shop in Barcelona, my feet started threatening strike action. At this point I discovered that if I sat down at a convenient table and uttered the magic word CERVEZA (sair-vay-tha) a refreshing, cool beer appeared in front of me. I repeated this trick several times so as to perfect the pronunciation though my attempts at the word seemed to get worse as the empty glasses stacked up.

I discovered the third word when we went out to dinner with our good friends Mandi & David who have the good fortune to live on the Iberian coast. The menu advertised a most delicious three-course meal for only 15 euros per head and we duly made our selections from it. I thought it might be nice to order some bread, olives and mineral water while we waited and discovered that all these items were INCLUIDO at no extra charge! Next I asked for the wine list only to discover that the wine was also INCLUIDO! Having enjoyed a most delicious meal, cooked to perfection, we ordered coffee which was .... you guessed it.... INCLUIDO. Now, since we had just had a wonderful meal for very little cost, I felt we could splash out on liqueurs to go with our coffees. My wife ordered an Amaretto, I went for Rum and our friends chose Cognac. I watched as generous dollops of spirit were poured into our coffees. I asked for the bill and my jaw dropped when we discovered that the liqueurs were also INCLUIDO!

So those were my three favourite words. Our hosts informed me however, that the local Spaniards had added a new word to their language for the benefit of the British tourists. Their new word is 'CHEAPASCHIPS'.