Wednesday, 16 February 2011


It's Valentine's day so you'll be wanting to hear all about this amorous Saint and why we have this special day for him. Well sorry to disappoint you but no-one seems to know much about the fellow. Instead, let me issue you with a few caveats.

Firstly, if your husband (or wife) receives a Valentine card from someone other than yourself signed 'guess who?', before you start looking up the number of your nearest divorce lawyer, check that the lawyer didn't send it to drum up some business.

I would also urge you not to follow in the footsteps of an Austrian gentleman named Hannes Pisek who so loved his girlfriend that he arranged 220 candles in the shape of a heart on the floor of their flat. He then lit them and went to collect her from work. As you may have anticipated, they returned to a blazing inferno and his girlfriend left him and went back to live with her parents.

Finally ladies, next leap year I should avoid copying the lady who intending to propose to her boyfriend, cooked him his favourite meal (which was toad-in-the-hole) and hid the engagement ring under one of the sausages. He found the ring alright and pulled it out of his mouth together with a large piece of broken tooth. This story has a happy ending though since they are now happily married.

Roses are red, violets are lime,
They need to be so I can get this to rhyme.

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