MINI MADNESS

I suppose there is a chance that I'm going through a mid-life crisis. My family certainly seem to think so.

With women it often manifests itself by having Botox or a facelift. I had a male friend who demonstrated his by digging a huge hole in the garden, filling it with water and then tipping a bag full of coy carp into it. His wife just gazes out at it every day with a bemused and puzzled expression.

More representative of the male midlife crisis is the sudden purchase of a Harley Davidson. In my own case, I am about to swap my beloved Jaguar (the one on wheels rather than the jungle version) for a brand new mini (the one on wheels not the short skirt which I keep for fancy dress parties).

The deed was done following a short period of drooling with desire over the brochures. An hour and a half test drive followed during which I could be seen as a senior go-karter whizzing up and down the motorway with a grinning expression all over my face akin to that of Jack Nicholson's in 'One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest'.

I could tell you of a few thousand reasons why I get a buzz out of the mini but I will limit myself to one - 'Dynamic Music'. When I get my new car, I shall be able to plug in my beloved i-Phone and my mini will then proceed to play a selected music track based on the way I am driving the car.

I can picture it now. 'Oh yes, sorry I was speeding officer. I was just trying to get the mini to play a track by Led Zeppelin'.