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This one is a phrase I use a lot. 

When I want to say 'absolutely everything', an alternative is to say 'the whole kit and caboodle'. It's a common phrase and I hear it used a lot.

What puzzles me slightly is what it was about this particular phrase which so caught the imagination that it is still in popular use well over a hundred years after it was coined.

First things first - what does it literally mean?

Well 'the whole kit' means a set of items, like a toolkit, or what a soldier would keep in his kit-bag. A 'caboodle' (or just 'boodle') - is an archaic term meaning a group or collection, normally of people.

Origins are certainly American and certainly from the early 19th century but the first use of the phrase in the way we use it was this:

From the Syracuse Sunday Standard, New York, Nov, 1884:

"More audiences have been disappointed by him and by the whole kit-and-caboodle of his rivals."

The reasons why the phrase came to be used in this way are rather sketchy so if anyone knows the full details please let me know - then I shall have the whole kit and caboodle.

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I suppose we all have relatives who are, shall we say, less welcome guests than others. 

My Grandmother used to say of my uncle, 'he always turns up like a bad penny'. Most people know the phrase but what does it mean and what are its origins?

One wrong suggestion which I've encountered is that it is to do with tossing a coin. Because there is a version of the phrase which goes 'a bad penny always turns up' some think it means that a bad penny keeps being heads or tails instead of giving a 50-50 chance.

The actual origin is at least from the 18th century when pennies were valuable coins. This made them juicy targets for counterfeiters, and discovering that you had such a counterfeit coin, a “bad” penny, was very annoying.  

The best solution if you got a “bad penny” was to try to spend it quickly and hope that the shopkeeper wouldn't notice it.  

Unfortunately though, because so many people were trying to use their “bad pennies” this way, the odds of encountering one, or even the very same one you had got rid of a week earlier, were quite high.  Thus “bad penny” became an idiom meaning “an unwanted thing that keeps showing up.”

Just like my Uncle used to do.

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I used to pride myself on being able to read Chaucer in the old English with an accent which hopefully, our beloved Geoffrey would have recognised.

I had fun practising on the original of this phrase: 'Every little helps'. Still in common use today and the meaning is very clear but the origin?

Well as far as I can discover it was:

'Every little helps said the wren when she pissed in the sea.' 

A wren of course is a very tiny bird but her little contribution helped to keep up the sea levels.

But in 1623 the olde English version was:

'Euery thing helpes, quoth the Wren when she pist i' the sea.'

Even earlier in 1602 they seem to have been a little more reluctant to use the bawdy words so we had:

'The wrenn sayde all helpte when she — in the sea.'

See what a prudish nation we used to be.

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Imagine for a moment that you are in polite company. Perhaps with an elderly female relative or someone who you need to impress.

You drop something or knock something over. Its only a minor mishap but a comment is needed. What is the first thing that comes to mind?

I suggest that it would be one of the variants of 'Whoops-a daisy'. Other versions are Upsidaisy, Upsa daesy, Upsy-daisy, Oops-a-daisy, Oopsy-daisy or Hoops-a-daisy. 

What on Earth are we saying this for? Where did it come from?

Well it seems that the original version was the 'Ups a daesy' type which was child-friendly language to assist them in jumping up in the air or over something. It goes back to the 1700's.

If the unfortunate child were to fall over then 'whoops-a daisy' is appropriate.

Of course, if the origin of 'whoops-a-daisy' is of little interest to you then you'll be feeling lackadaisical about it - but that's another story.

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My Gran was sometimes a bit of a curtain-twitcher, if truth be told, keeping a close eye on the neighbours and their activities.

One lady was frequently the object of her attention. When the said lady was going out somewhere special and wearing her best clothes, Gran would mutter about 'mutton dressed up as lamb'.

The meaning of the phrase is quite clear - that she was trying to appear younger than she actually was.

Originally it was not derogatory. The term is first found in print in 1811 in the journal of social gossip by Mrs Frances Calvert.

"Someone the other day asked the Prince of Wales at the Ancient Music whether he did not think some girl pretty. 'Girl!' answered he, 'Girls are not to my taste. I don't like lamb; but mutton dressed like lamb!'."

Nowadays though, it suggests that a woman is deluded and thinks herself attractive in clothes usually worn by much those much younger.

Of course, it doesn't need to apply exclusively to females. When I don my red trousers, perhaps I'm ram dressed up as lamb.

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Let's be honest. Not all 'wise' old sayings are true. They don't necessarily have any wisdom within.

For instance - "You can't have your cake and eat it". How stupid is that? If I've just bought myself a tasty chocolate eclair what am I going to do with it other than eat it? I can promise you no-one else is going to eat it but me. The saying is trying to say 'you can't have it both ways' but this is a pretty daft way of phrasing it.

Then there's "Children should be seen and not heard". How Victorian is that? With most kids today the only way you're going to achieve this is by taping up their mouths.

Then you have the ones which disagree with each other like "Look before you leap" and "He who hesitates is lost". To dither or not to dither - that is the question.

Finally we have "An apple a day keeps the doctor away". Rubbish. I tried leaving an apple at the doctor's surgery every day for a month. He was round at my place complaining as soon as he discovered it was me who kept cluttering up his surgery with them.

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I've always thought it a curious phrase to say that 'you can't make bricks without straw' because of course - you can. In fact, to put it bluntly, bricks are not normally made with straw.

The meaning of the phrase is straightforward though. It means that you need the proper materials to be able to do a job properly. In this respect it's rather similar to Churchill's famous line, 'give us the tools and we'll finish the job'.

So why is it suggested that you need straw to make bricks? 

The answer is that back in Moses' time you did. His people were enslaved in Egypt and were forced to make bricks for their captors. Adding straw to the bricks, which were made from river clay, helped them to dry quicker.

When Moses appealed to the Egyptians to free his people, they obstinately refused and as a punishment, stopped giving them straw but still demanded the same production levels. In time of course, God helped them gain their freedom because quite simply, they couldn't make bricks without straw.

They might however, have been able to make hay while the sun shone.

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The list of things which I would quite like to have is very long indeed. 

The list of things which I would very much like to have is a little shorter. 

Shorter still is the list of items which I desperately yearn to have.

There is an odd little phrase for this. A thing which you absolutely pine for is often said to be something which you would "give your eye teeth for".

Now I don't know about you but my eyes don't have teeth. Neither do my teeth have eyes. So what on Earth does the saying mean?

Well it dates back to at least 1657 when it was used in "Nature's Cabinet Unlock'd" by Thomas Browne. 

As to its meaning, it would seem that it refers to the upper and lower canine teeth for the simple reason that they are in line with the eye sockets, being positioned directly below them.

Well eye never.

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The other day I was watching 'Sarah and Duck' with Emily, my granddaughter. In case you didn't know, this is required viewing for one-year olds or aged grandfathers. 

Anyway, poor Sarah was ill in bed suffering from a cold and duck was doing his best to cheer her up. Sarah was described as being 'under the weather'. This is a well known and well used saying which I hadn't given much thought to before but once you stop to consider it, it seems an odd turn of phrase. 

Obviously it means to be feeling unwell but what has this got to do with the weather?

The answer it seems, is that the phrase has a nautical origin. In olden days when sailors were ill, they were sent below decks to recover and to be under (i.e. away from) the weather. 

It can also apply to passengers who feel sea-sick and need to go below decks to feel better. 

Presumably if they feel under the weather they go below until they feel over it.

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I recall that when my grandmother heard or read something joyous in the news, she would say that 'it warms the cockles of your heart'.

Now personally I never have and never could eat a cockle, but of course we all know that cockles are bivalve molluscs which are often eaten as a seaside snack. How could they have anything to do with your heart? 

The answer is that they probably don't have a lot to do with it. 

The cockles of the heart are very likely its ventricles, which are called in Latin "cochleae cordis", from "cochlea" (snail), alluding to their shape.

Additionally, the cockle genus is called 'Cardium' from the Latin for 'heart'.

Finally, if you look at a cockle from the side, it is heart-shaped.

Ahh. After writing this the cockles of my heart feel lovely and toastie.

Image courtesy of [SOMMAI] / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

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At my time of life one finds oneself attending far too many funerals. Friends, family and acquaintances of advancing years all too frequently 'shrug off this mortal coil', 'drop off the perch' or in the idiom which I currently feature 'kick the bucket'.

'Kick the bucket' is a very commonly used phrase. The origins as so often are unclear but here are some of those which find greatest favour.

Theory 1 is that it comes from a method of execution such as hanging, while standing on an overturned bucket. When the bucket is kicked away, the victim is hanged.

Theory 2 relates to the alternate definition of a bucket as a beam or yoke that can be used to hang or carry things on.

Theory 3 states that the "bucket" may refer to the beam on which slaughtered pigs are suspended. The animals may struggle on the bucket, hence the expression.

Theory 4 suggests that the origin of the phrase comes from the Catholic custom of holy-water buckets. 

After death, when a body had been laid out, the holy-water bucket was brought from the church and put at the feet of the corpse. 

If the death is anticipated, the bucket is placed in readiness and at the moment of death a person stretches his legs and might kick the bucket placed there.

Anyway I for one will be steering well clear of buckets for a long time yet.

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Luckily, I seem to have managed to negotiate another April Fool's day without falling for any of the pranks in the newspapers or being conned by friends or family. 

Indeed I find it a lot of fun to search the papers for their joke stories. Of course you might argue that I may have fallen for some without realising it but if so I am in blissful ignorance.

We have always referred to being teased in this way as 'having your leg pulled'. Furthermore, the common rejoinder if someone did 'pull your leg' was to say 'pull the other one, it's got bells on'.

Obviously the meaning is clear. It says 'I don't believe you and think you are teasing me'. I cannot find a definitive origin for the saying - they often come from old music hall acts or plays - but I have found one rather disturbing suggestion of the source of the phrase.

There are some who say that it is about people being hanged. Hanging could be drawn out and unpleasant - so the condemned man would often pay for the hangman or somebody else to pull down on their legs to ensure a quick death.

It is further thought that sometimes children would pull the legs of a hanging man in the hope of coins falling out of his pockets. Thus to tell a person to 'pull the other one' is to tell them to have another go - they might be luckier with the other leg. If a pocket has coins in it will jingle, as a bell would.

Personally I think this suggestion is stretching it to say nothing of stretching the poor hanging man.

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As I lead you dear reader, down the leafy avenue in which I am using the trees to represent my various medical conditions I hear you ask 'Why am I reading this drivel?' Yet you clearly are.

We pass the gnarled old oaks signifying those ailments which I have stoicly borne for a good many years, such as my reflux problem. Then those younger trees which stand for more recent issues such as my hurty knee or elbow. Finally, the young sprig which newly sprouts to show my newest problem. My cold hands. Usually toasty and warm, my hands have been like blocks of ice and I don't like this new experience.

When I trawl round my friends and family to find people who I haven't yet described my condition to, I find that the moment I say 'cold hands' they invariably break in with 'Cold hands, warm heart'. This poorly disguised attempt to bring my medical  dialogue to a halt or at least to change the subject rarely works but does get me wondering where the phrase comes from.

It is a proverb which means that a reserved exterior may disguise a kind hearted person or that people whose hands are usually cold have kind and loving personalities. 

The earliest known use of this proverb was in Collectanea edited by V.S. Lean - a collection of English and foreign proverbs published in Bristol, England in 1903. I might have known it started in my favourite city.

Scientists are as usual divided on the matter. They point out that in cold weather, blood goes away from the hands and feet to protect the brain and main part of the body so that your hands will be cold but your heart will be warm.

Yet in 2008, the Telegraph reported that 'The old adage that cold hands often conceal a warm heart has been dispelled by scientists, after they found how physically warm you are has a direct correlation to how nice you are to people.'

Guess which one I believe?

 

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Better late than never as they say. I'm sure you were onto it years ago, after all it started in 1989,  but me, I've just caught up with it. I refer to the daily cartoon strip 'Dilbert'. 

In case you have missed it, it deals with the bizarre goings on within the corporate culture of the office. It is utterly brilliant in the way it captures this and should be required reading by office employees and more importantly by their bosses.

Nothing quite defines the human race like our sense of humour and cartoons are a vital part of this. So much so that classic cartoons can have such a powerful effect that they influence our language.

The phrase 'A curate's egg' is often used in the context of  a review or critique and has the meaning that some parts of the work are good and some are bad. This is not the original meaning.

The origin of the phrase was a cartoon published in 'Punch' on 9th November 1895. Entitled "True Humility", it pictures a nervous-looking curate taking breakfast in his Bishop's house. The bishop points out "I'm afraid you've got a bad egg, Mr Jones." Desperate not to offend his eminent host and  employer the curate replies: "Oh, no, my Lord, I assure you that parts of it are excellent!"

Clearly a self-contained egg cannot be both partially bad and partially good. To pretend to find elements of freshness in a bad egg is thus a desperate attempt to find good in something which is irredeemably bad. The humour is derived from the fact that, given the social situation, the timid curate is so terrified of giving offence that he cannot admit that his superior has served a bad egg, and thereby ends up looking absurd himself by exposing his brown-nosing.

 

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I write this in January - the month of bargains and sales. In keeping with this spirit I bring you not one but two phrases which are similar in meaning.

If I ever did something a little odd, my Grandma would often remark 'there's nowt so queer as folk'. Clearly it means that people can be very strange. 

The origins are unknown but no doubt the phrase comes from Yorkshire or Lancashire if the word 'nowt' (nothing) is anything to do with it. The oldest written reference to the phrase dates from 1905.

There was a British TV series in 1999 called 'Queer as folk' which was set in Manchester and was about three gay men though the original phrase uses 'queer' in its literal meaning as 'odd'. There was also an episode of John Sessions' tall tales called 'There's nowt so queer as folk' which was aired in 1991.

The second phrase is my favourite. I love the humour of it. It is

'All the world's queer save thee and me and even thee's a little queer'.

This time we're in luck as the origin is known to us. It is a quote by Robert Owen (1771-1858) a Welsh social reformer, factory owner and inventor.

Basically he was one of the first entrepreneurs and his greatest success was in the area of infant child care. He was probably motivated in this through the death in infancy of his first child, though he fortunately had seven further children who survived.

He fell out with his partners at one point and this remark was made to one of them, a William Allen in 1828. 

If ever a quotation told you reams about the good nature and character of a person this must surely be a fine example.

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I know I'm not alone in being a great fan of 'Strictly Come Dancing'. Apart from the delight of the actual competition, I also watch it in order to augment my Granddad dancing skills.

However, while watching the other night there was an added benefit. Head judge Len used a phrase which rang a huge bell in my head and took me back to my childhood days. The phrase was 'Yum, yum, pig's bum'.

Sadly I can find nothing about it's origin. The version which I knew was

'Yum, yum, pig's bum,

All wrapped up in chewing gum -

Take a slice, very nice.'

There appears to be an Irish form which goes:

 

'Yum, yum, pig's bum,

Cabbage and potatoes.'

It clearly refers to the meal consisting of that part of the pig's anatomy.

Of course there is a dirtier version which I'm happy to share with you. Look away now if you are of a delicate disposition.

'Yum yum bubble gum

stick it up the teachers bum

if it sticks

pull her tits

and turn it into weetabix'.

Boys will be boys ...

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I don't know about you but I find that 'one man's meat is another man's poison'. However, in the context of the phrase which is the subject of this piece, this should read 'One man's roquefort is another man's road kill'.

There is an archetypally British phrase used when someone has a piece of bad luck. The words of commiseration which I refer to are to say 'Hard Cheese'. 

Now I must confess that the phrase is heard less and less nowadays and perhaps only dinosaurs like me ever use it. Obviously the suggestion is that hard cheese is unpalatable and that presumably soft cheese is preferable but I know a number of people who would prefer some shavings of parmesan to a runny brie - one man's meat etc.

The earliest reference to the phrase appears to be from 1837 in a play called The Tiger at Large, which was printed in a collection of plays called The Acting National Drama, edited by Benjamin Webster.

"Jem. His wages was too low. Don't you think a pound a month, and find one's self is hard cheese?"

There is a more modern version in the form of 'hard cheddar' which has the same meaning and which dates back to 1931.

I hope you've enjoyed this little trip down the dusty  alleyways of our glorious language and if you didn't - 'hard cheese'.

   

WHO KNEW?

Once upon a time it was hip, chic and witty but like all new phrases, it's surely had its day. 

I refer to 'who knew?' which is the fashionable replacement for 'guess what?' or 'fancy that!'

Sometimes 'who knew?' precedes the boring fact which the speaker is about to share with us as in:

"Who knew? Housework is good for your health?"

More commonly, it follows the boring bit - 

"Wine tastes even better with chocolate. Who knew?" 

The words have spawned a series of 'Who Knew?' books. There is also a 'Who Knew?' news trivia programme.

I can't swear to this but the likely origin of the phrase is from the lyrics of the Pink song of that name - so American then. Who knew?

Anyway, be warned, if you see the words 'who knew?' you can be sure that you are about to read something boring and dull.

Oh - with the exception of this little jotting of mine of course.

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I remember a time when I did someone a good turn and they said 'Thank you for saving my bacon'. 

I've said the same thing myself too but have often wondered why it refers to bacon rather than any other meat or indeed why it refers to meat at all.

It seems that the phrase was used as long ago as the 17th century. Here is a quote from 1654 in 'Momus Elenticus':

"Some fellowes there were... To save their bacon penn'd many a smooth song."

The phrase has a similar meaning to 'saving one's skin' so it refers to escaping from harm.

The reason that it speaks of bacon is simply that way back then, bacon meant all of a pig's meat not just those delicious crispy rashers which I like to eat in a sandwich with lashings of butter, ketchup and Worcester sauce.

Surely this has to rate as one of the greatest snacks of all time. In fact I am drooling at the thought and having to hold back from going off to make one now

... but I digress.

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We Brits are reknowned for our patience and we've had to use this skill to the utmost in our long wait for summer to properly kick in this Olympic year. 

We moaned of course. But now we can do what we like best and moan about the heat. 

Suddenly, all along the high street, legs have appeared. Male legs I mean. Lots of other body parts are also on show and probably shouldn't be. 

I am particularly pleased to be able to eat salads again. Those wonderful, guilt-free meals with mounds of healthy lettuce and other greens all drowned in lashings of gut-swelling salad cream. 

These are indeed the 'Salad days' which I'm sure you recognise as a familiar phrase. Though sometimes used to mean 'in the days of our maturity' it actually means the opposite.

'Salad days' refers to the days of our youth when we were as green as salad. 

Queen Elizabeth, during her Silver Jubilee Loyal Address, referred to her vow to God and her people in her ascension to the throne when she was 25: "Although that vow was made in my salad days, when I was green in judgement, I do not regret nor retract one word of it." 

She was actually quoting Shakespeare who had written in Anthony and Cleopatra (1606): CLEOPATRA: "My salad days ...
When I was green in judgment - cold in blood"

I think I prefer the more modern treatment of the salad days of our maturity. Long may they continue.