Friday, 1 May 2009


There was a time when going to bed meant brushing my teeth, stripping naked and jumping under the covers. This is no longer the case.

Be warned, this could be your future!

Naked was first to go. I am sufficiently trendy and cool enough not to wear pyjamas so I bought a selection of rather fetching boxers in the most outlandish colours I could find. These didn't keep the man-boobs warm however so I bought some very bright T shirts too. To my mind, this gives me the American G.I. look and I try desperately to forget that my 84 year old Dad wore the same gear in bed - indeed he died in it! I keep my dear wife entertained each night by choosing the tops and bottoms randomly. I think the burgundy T shirt coupled with the two-tone blue and white striped boxers got the biggest laugh.

Now as you will know, people my age love nothing better than to talk about their ailments. No! Stop! Come back! I wouldn't do that to you dear readers. You are going to have to guess what medical problems I have to bravely endure.

So we'll cut to the chase and imagine that I am in the bathroom dressed as my alter ego G.I. with toilet completed, teeth brushed and mouthwash gargled. So we're maybe 10 minutes into the routine.

First and most important, I swallow a small white pill. (No not a blue diamond shaped one!) Next I apply a transparent gel liberally to both hips and rub it well in. Following that, I rub a thick paste on part of my scalp. Sometimes I use a lotion instead as this particular problem is best attacked with different treatments to keep it on its toes. Speaking of toes, I then spray stuff between them (easy one that!). After this I apply a thick white cream to the soles of my feet and finish up by using the same cream on my hands.

Long after I first entered, I emerge from the bathroom all lotioned, potioned and utterly exhausted.

"What's that dear? You feel like doing what?"


  1. First things first: You have to keep your scalp on its toes? Now I'm really confused. I've been writing a post in my head about lotions and potions in the last few days. I was planning on asking for advice. Now I know who to turn to. I bet you look quite fetching as a GI. *wink*

  2. my SO wears those snazzy PJ bottoms by Calvin Klutz and a T-shirt I wear leggings and a T-Shirt as I loathe frilly nighties even on him :o) my bedtime routine is generally 2 panadol night pain (for the hip pain) a shower complete with shower cap as I wash my hair in the morning teeth brushing and mouthwash anything else is up for grabs :o)

  3. Migod, you're falling apart, man! Or am I wrong in thinking you're applying super-glue? My bedtime routine involves jammy bottoms and a tee in winter, shorts and a tee in summer. And if I forget to apply gel to my eyeballs, I won't be able to open my eyes in the morning. Since I wear glasses, I live in terror of reaching for the Vicks by mistake one night! (As a friend of mine did once, when she meant to apply K-Y!)