Wednesday, 29 August 2012


I once took a group of children camping. This in itself is probably grounds for certifying me as insane but if I add that the kids in question had profound learning difficulties then clearly I should hold my arms out for the straightjacket.

On the last morning I was rudely awakened by one of my colleagues who politely asked me if I would come and deal with something. The situation which required my attention was the inside of a tent in which three of our girls had been sleeping. One of them had produced a copious quantity of excrement and saw this as an artistic medium which would make a lovely mural. The mural covered every part of the tent's interior.

This will serve to explain why I have never been camping since but in the unlikely case that I ever get tempted, I remind myself of the ten rules of camping:

1. A flimsy bit of canvas is no substitute for brick walls.
2. A sleeping bag is no substitute for a warm bed.
3. All the dry clothes which you take with you will get wet.
4. Wet clothes will be impossible to dry again until you get home.
5. Insects are not your friends.
6. Camp sites do not have wi-fi.
7. You will grow to hate the dawn chorus.
8. Sharing toilets and bathrooms (if such luxuries exist) lowers your opinion of mankind.
9. Guy ropes serve two purposes. One is to hold up the tent. The second is for tripping over.
10. There was a reason why our hunter-gatherer ancestors started to build permanent homes. 


  1. Although hot, It was a wonderful weekend to be outdoors in the wooded area where we set up our camp and the shade of the surrounding trees kept us relatively cool.

  2. HEHE nice one. Camping s really great thing when you like it but if you dont like nature or flies or something else then can be nightemare:]