Showing posts with label beds. Show all posts
Showing posts with label beds. Show all posts

Sunday, 2 September 2012

SLEEPING DRAFT

Having trouble sleeping?

Find yourself waking too early?

Mind races when you go to bed?

Fed up with being asked stupid questions?

Help is at hand. Of course reading my writings have a soporific effect of their own but as someone who can sleep the sleep of the dead I have some serious tips to offer if you often find yourself wide awake at night.

Make yourself comfortably tired.
Ensure you have the right amount of bedclothes to be comfortably warm. If you aren't tired when you go to bed, read until you are.

Separate yourself from reality.
Do not take a glass of water to bed. Drinking will wake you up. Ensure the room is very dark - fit black-out blinds if necessary. Never look at the time. This will start you thinking about the real world. If you go to the loo, the idea is to complete the process half-asleep so only open your eyes a fraction. 

When you want to go to sleep, start thinking about some sort of fantasy. For instance, pretend that you are a child again and  are going for a trip to the seaside. Or imagine you are an animal. Do not think about real-life situations. 

Rest.
If you do find yourself awake when you want to be asleep, do not fret about it - remind yourself that you are still resting. 

Sleep tight, don't let the bed bugs bite.

Wednesday, 17 February 2010

BETWEEN THE SHEETS

Feeling in need of light relief? Look no further than this seriously silly story of the hotel chain who is offering a new service to it's guests.

The hotel is offering - wait for it - human bed warmers! Yes, for the princely sum of nothingpence, you can have cuddly members of the hotel staff climb into your bed to warm it up before you get in.

Some of you may be saddened to hear that even if they are especially attractive members of the opposite sex, they will be leaving your room after just 5 minutes.

The human hot water bottles are dressed up to look a bit like white cuddly teddy bears and it looks like they come as a pair - probably to ensure that the warming pans on legs don't provide any other extra curricular services.

I'm sure your mind is racing with the possibilities after hearing this but my main thought is 'where did I go wrong?' I could have been paid to lie in bed for a living and I just know I'd have been brilliant at this job!