THE WEIGHT IS OVER

It was Mark Twain who said 'Giving up smoking is easy. I've done it hundreds of times'.

I could say the same about dieting because yes you guessed it - I'm dieting - again. 

Of course my wife is delighted, but then I suspect that she thinks I'm on a Brad Pitt diet. When reality kicks in, if I'm in any way successful, she's going to be disappointed to discover that it will still be me, just a bit less of me than before.

I have a simple technique, some days I don't eat. Instead, I spend almost the entire 'fasting' day in planning what I'm going to eat tomorrow. 

Of course I realise that several bacon sandwiches interspersed with doughnuts might undo the good work of yesterday so I try to keep to healthy-ish foods in small quantities.

The other day I was tucking in to a small snack consisting of a tiny meat pie with a handful of fries when my wife entered the kitchen.

She was full of praise. 'Well done! You've followed my advice about portion control - excellent'.

Little does she know that seconds before she came in, I had just decided to have a second pie and chips to follow the first.

I fear I'm a lost cause.

  

 

KILLER HEELS

Apparently there is a new ladies shoe which is the talk of the town and yet it isn't even in production yet.

Let us try to discover why these shoes will be a must-buy item for women next year.

It's not the price because they won't be cheap. Rumour has it that they will cost at least £75 a pair.

It's not their looks because in my humble opinion they look a bit silly. I suppose that beauty is in the eye of the beholder but for me the concave heel is not a good-looking feature.

It's surely not their name - the 'Antelope' shoe. "I'm just off to put on my Antelopes dear". Not exactly cool is it?

It's not their comfort because they are designed to be uncomfortable. How? Because...

...they are unstable. The heel is deliberately designed to move so that it causes the wearer to totter about.

So why will these shoes sell well?

The answer is that because the wearer feels unsafe, they will have to put a lot of effort into keeping their balance. Using up that effort will, so they claim, cause the wearer to drop a dress size if they wear them for a month.

So the only downside seems to be that after a few months, you may die of anorexia. That's killer heels for you.