THE WEIGHT IS OVER

It was Mark Twain who said 'Giving up smoking is easy. I've done it hundreds of times'.

I could say the same about dieting because yes you guessed it - I'm dieting - again. 

Of course my wife is delighted, but then I suspect that she thinks I'm on a Brad Pitt diet. When reality kicks in, if I'm in any way successful, she's going to be disappointed to discover that it will still be me, just a bit less of me than before.

I have a simple technique, some days I don't eat. Instead, I spend almost the entire 'fasting' day in planning what I'm going to eat tomorrow. 

Of course I realise that several bacon sandwiches interspersed with doughnuts might undo the good work of yesterday so I try to keep to healthy-ish foods in small quantities.

The other day I was tucking in to a small snack consisting of a tiny meat pie with a handful of fries when my wife entered the kitchen.

She was full of praise. 'Well done! You've followed my advice about portion control - excellent'.

Little does she know that seconds before she came in, I had just decided to have a second pie and chips to follow the first.

I fear I'm a lost cause.