PARTY TIME

We have witnessed a furore over the appearance of the leader of the BNP (British National Party) on BBC's Question Time. The BNP for anyone who may not know, is a cuddly sort of right-wing, neo-fascist, heavily racist political party. There were furious protests that Nick Whatisname should not have been given airtime and that the programme gave the BNP valuable and dangerous publicity.

Well, given that we are a nation who believes in free speech, I for one would defend the BBC for allowing it. However, I have grave reservations about the way they handled it. By bullying him and not allowing him enough chance to speak and dig his own grave, they appear to have awarded him martyrdom status in the eyes of some people. I watched the programme and Nutty Nick came across as a sleazy, slimy weasel of a bloke - so he'd fit into British politics just fine at the moment with all the scandal over their expenses.

I was prompted to take a peek at the BNP website and check out their policies and based on this, in the interest of balance after Question Time gave Nick Niceguy such a bad time, I present a list of 10 GOOD things about the BNP for your consideration.

1. Unlike the other parties, they have no MPs fiddling their expenses because....well because thankfully, they have no MPs.

2. Their name, BNP, is easily mis-googled (click link).

3. They are able to re-write history - apparently the holocaust didn't happen. So we could get them to tell us how we stalwart Brits repelled the Romans and the Vikings for instance. (Update: Nick Thingy may be changing his mind on this one).

4. Since Nick Numpty was sporting a poppy, he obviously believes in remembering the valour shown by the many nationalities who helped us win the second world war, blacks, gurkas etc.

5. They'll bring back the birch and give those naughty schoolkids a darn good thrashing.

6. (This is a quote from their website because you won't believe me otherwise) - they will use 'electronically tagged chain gangs to improve coastal defences'. That should keep us safe from those nasty Somali pirates!

7. We'll be able to have machine guns in our homes (quote 'any means of defence') to protect ourselves from burglars. ('Pass me my Uzi darling').

8. The candle industry will be given a huge boost because the BNP will remove overhead power lines.

9. They will put a stop to the 'spineless subservience to the USA'. Of course there will be a slight drawback to this in that the tourist industry will collapse - but then it only brings in a paltry £85 billion.

10. Nick Nobody is such a friendly, handsome and charismatic leader that he will undoubtedly attract masses of votes at the next election.