GIVING ME THE BIRD

I'm sitting in my kitchen doing a crossword. I glance outside and there is a pretty little sparrow perched on the fence.

I look at him. He looks right back at me. I know what he's thinking.

"It's all very well for you you featherless freak, sat there scratching about.

The feeder is empty. Why? Because you haven't got up off your featherless tail and put some seed out for me."

I consider breaking off from the crossword and going out to fill the bird feeder. I consider some more.

"I can't help but notice that you're still perched in there and that there's still no seed out here.

How about if I flew over and crapped on the washing that's hanging on the line? Would that get your tail up and moving?"

I go out and fill the feeder. I know who's boss.

Human 0 - Bird 1.