Sunday, 21 April 2013

THE DIET TO END ALL

Like many others I constantly battle against my weight. My weight usually wins.

It does this by underhand trickery like suddenly putting visions of tasty morsels of food in my head or worse, making them appear in front of me in shops.

Of course I've tried the 'faddy' diets which come and go. I wont tell you how the body reacts when you fill it with nothing but cabbage except to mention my guilt pangs when I hear about global warming and wonder how much I am to blame.

But now I have the ultimate answer. It is guaranteed to lose weight quickly. What's more, it is all done for you. No action required on your part. The solution? Catch a virus. 
  
The one which visited me began by making me feel unwell and then methodically emptied my digestive system by using  both an upward and downward route. It's next step was to ensure I had a complete loss of appetite. So far so good.

Next it had to ensure that I lie down in a dark room and do absolutely nothing in case the need for nourishment arose. This was achieved by giving me a raging temperature.

So there I lay in a dazed doze, entertained by trivial thoughts swilling around in my mind. 

Eureka! After the first day I'd lost four pounds. Two more the next day then two again. 

So eating nothing is the ultimate diet. What is more, after a month or so you won't have a care in the world.

2 comments:

  1. Not the kind of diet any of us would like!

    Hope your'e better now :)

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  2. You should have gone to the computer doctor to get the virus taken care of...Well maybe not LOl

    ReplyDelete