I weigh myself every morning. This degree of close monitoring allows me to keep the racing snake physique which you see before you, or thankfully for us both, that you don't see before you.
This daily act of confession is carried out in absolute secrecy behind locked doors. I weigh myself in my birthday suit - obviously. I mean who knows whether my spectacles might make the considerable psychological difference between Umpteen stone 2 pounds and Umpteen stone 3 pounds. It could ruin my day.
Of course I've tried doing it standing on one leg but I think the wretched contraption has sussed me out and automatically adds on the weight of the dangling leg. You can see why this is a solitary, covert operation.
This being so, I was amused to hear of the new bathroom scales which are connected to wi-fi and automatically send your results online to broadcast to the world how your weight program is doing.
We Twitterers get enough flak for allegedly tweeting about how much coffee we are drinking all the time. Can you imagine it?
Tweet: 'Just weighed myself, put on 2 pounds today.'
It doesn't bear thinking about. Anyway, I'm off to get myself a coffee.